Once I started to finally feel better, I began to look at myself and feel ugly. I wouldn't consider myself a vain person, but I had to go through a little period of grieving, as I came to terms with my mumbled speech, the splint, and braces (which I never even had as a teenager). Everyone was excessively telling me how great I looked, and I was thinking, oh sure, I'm a regular beauty queen.
The hardest part for me was the loss of feeling like I could smile freely. Out of all of my friends, I'd never been known for my eyes, hair, or perfect figure. I'm the friend with the big, happy smile. My SMILE has always been MY THING.
Don't get me wrong, I didn't feel badly about myself on the inside, or have low self esteem, I just felt sorry for myself the first few times I noticed people were staring at me, or when that horrified look crossed a store employee's face, as she tried to talk to me, and I just pointed to the splint.
But then I thought, Christine, GET OVER YOURSELF. You aren't the type of girl who sits at home having a pity party. You are intelligent, kind, and have a loving husband, family, and friends who couldn't care less about what you look like. After about a day, I got my confidence and mojo back. I just had to come to terms with it on my own, and remind myself, that TRUE BEAUTY is something that only comes from the INSIDE.
The most therapeutic thing, for me, has been the ability to laugh at myself and joke about my "Darth Vader" mouth. Laughter truly is the best medicine. And trust me, although you'll think they do at first, nobody really cares anyway!
P.S.- Be prepared for the thousands of comments you'll get from others wishing they could have their mouths wired shut to lose weight, or that their spouse would love it if they couldn't speak, etc. People aren't trying to be insensitive. They probably just feel really terrible for you, and don't know what else to say, as they're staring at an apparatus they've never before encountered. Ha, I tell myself, just smile and nod, Christine, smile and nod ;).
I guess this happens to all of us. You describe it to a T. Glad you turned it around. I guess it makes other people uncomfortable. I was SOOO sad the first few times I went to the grocery or pharmacy....And yes, I've gotten the "wish I could have mine wired shut" a lot. It's amazing how similar all or our experiences are.
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